Please accept my attached resume in response to your ad for an experienced Rockstar Receptionist
You can count on me to:
· Show up late (even later than you’re imagining right now)
· Leave early (unless I pass out at my desk, in which case, I’ll leave when my hangover wears off or when you hand me another drink, whichever comes first)
· Smell like booze and groupies
· Break stuff for no apparent reason
· Bone you and/or your significant other
· Have a perpetually runny nose
· Motivate someone else to do the dirty work for me, i.e. filing, faxing, answering phones
I have a proven track record of “Rockstar” behavior and am excited to offer my talents to your team. I’ve developed my skills in multiple roles as an office manager, receptionist, intern, and bookkeeper, and have taken every opportunity to hone my tendencies toward overall rockstar performance. I’m not much of a team player, but I make a great frontman, and routinely bring the house down with unparalleled pelvic thrusts, head bangs, and shredding vocals.
If you’re looking for the perfect candidate for the job you’ve described, look no further!
Salary Requirements:
$6,000 per appearance, plus hospitality rider to include 1 deli tray, chips & salsa, case of Coors Light or comparable American light beer, one fifth of Maker’s Mark, and 6 packets of Throat Coat tea.
· Show up late (even later than you’re imagining right now)
· Leave early (unless I pass out at my desk, in which case, I’ll leave when my hangover wears off or when you hand me another drink, whichever comes first)
· Smell like booze and groupies
· Break stuff for no apparent reason
· Bone you and/or your significant other
· Have a perpetually runny nose
· Motivate someone else to do the dirty work for me, i.e. filing, faxing, answering phones
I have a proven track record of “Rockstar” behavior and am excited to offer my talents to your team. I’ve developed my skills in multiple roles as an office manager, receptionist, intern, and bookkeeper, and have taken every opportunity to hone my tendencies toward overall rockstar performance. I’m not much of a team player, but I make a great frontman, and routinely bring the house down with unparalleled pelvic thrusts, head bangs, and shredding vocals.
If you’re looking for the perfect candidate for the job you’ve described, look no further!
Salary Requirements:
$6,000 per appearance, plus hospitality rider to include 1 deli tray, chips & salsa, case of Coors Light or comparable American light beer, one fifth of Maker’s Mark, and 6 packets of Throat Coat tea.
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